“Hi there! My name is Emily, I’m 23, I’m a cancer survivor and I lost my dad to cancer!”– This is something I say in my head EVERY time I meet someone because when you have had a challenge, any challenge, you feel like it’s who you are… like it should be a sign on your forehead warning everyone to take it easy on you.
On the other hand, when you have had significant challenges in your life you also want anything but to give up on your dreams and vision for yourself.
I often get asked, “How do you stay so positive? You have been through SO much”
The first truth of the matter is that I’m not always positive and happy and that’s okay. It isn’t our job to put on a mask for others for their comfort.
It IS our job to heal from our grief and continue doing things that bring us joy and happiness.
This can be much easier said then done.. sometimes the easiest thing to do is curl up in a ball, turn off the lights, and distract your thoughts with Netflix and Youtube Videos.
I would consider myself a positive person though and I am extremely proud of the way I am currently healing with my grief and daily battles with my body.
Here are my top tips for maintaining positivity through challenging times– I must preface this by saying that positivity is beneficial for you if you’re in touch with the times that it is impossible to be positive-
LIFE JUST SUCKS SOMETIMES AND THAT’S OKAY.
- See a counselor or therapist– this is often seen as a sign of weakness when in fact, admitting when we need help is a sign of strength. We need help with healing sometimes and often our family and friends just won’t cut it as our personal counselors (and let’s be honest, you may be telling them ‘i’m okay!’ when you aren’t). If you have a busy schedule there are plenty of online counselors that you can meet with through video.
2. Before you go to bed write down three things you are grateful for– Do this every night! It never fails. This helps me go back to my roots and to feel more grounded. When going through trauma, it can be easy to zoom through our day and not focus on anything. Taking time to focus on the good things is always time well spent and there is always something to be grateful for.
3. Take time to do the things you love!– For me this is being outside, being with friends and family, and singing. Do what makes YOU happy.
4. Spend time with those you love– Find your tribe and love on them hard. You will need them and the simple truth is that we humans can’t do things on our own. Thinking we can, and trying to carry all the weight on one set of shoulders is draining.
5. But ALSO take time for yourself– It can be easy when going through challenges to fill up all of your time with plans for distraction. That can be helpful for a little bit, but long term is just a band aid. It’s important to spend time with yourself to reflect in order to be able to see your growth and appreciate what you are going through.
6. Create a motto for yourself– Mine is ‘what will be will be’. I repeat this to myself when I feel anxious or negative. It works for me to ground me and to help me focus on the here and now and what I have to be positive for.
7. Lastly: look for the good in EVERYTHING– this sounds simple enough but it is difficult! OUr minds have been wired to be negative. We see it around us 24 hours a day whether that is in the media or listening to coworkers talk to each other. It takes a special person to appreciate the little things and the best way to do it is to LOOK for it intentionally. Look for the tree with the pretty flowers on your way home for work. Looks for a bird flying in the sky. Be intentional! It takes work to focus on being positive but when you can see the silver lining in things, you have the world in your hands.
YOU have the magic inside of you to change the way you view things in life and YOU have the magic to do hard things and conquer difficult challenges. I believe in you!
Stay magical!
xo,
em
Made of Magic 